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January 3, 2009

There were fewer than half a million Jews in the Warsaw ghetto. There are a million and a half Palestinians in the Gaza ghetto. Jews in the Warsaw ghetto resisted the Nazi occupation with whatever crude weapons they had. A few Germans were killed or wounded but it wasn't a fair fight. Palestinians are resisting the Israeli occupation. A few Jews have been killed or wounded but it's not a fair fight. Here are some excerpts from Chapter Forty-two of Oprah's Dead Son:

"...Things didn't work out for The Third Reich and handy-dandy, Jews got to be God's chosen people again. Jews got given the State of Israel because of all the wrong that got done to them by Hitler and the Nazis, the same way Hitler and the Nazis got given Germany on account of all the wrong that got done to Germans after the First World War. Jews can do no wrong on account of all the wrong that got done to them. The State of Israel can get away with murder the same way Nazis got away with murder. Turnabout is fair play. To the victors go the spoils. Might makes right. Because of the Holocaust, Israel doesn't have to abide by international law, the same way Hitler didn't have to abide by international law after the Treaty of Versailles. The Israeli Defense Force can attack and occupy any territory it wants to attack and occupy. UN resolutions have no effect on the State of Israel. Israel can kill and maim and kidnap anyone it wants to kill and maim and kidnap. Tens of thousands of Palestinians have been routinely tortured in Israeli jails for decades but let one lonely nineteen-year-old Jewish soldier take a wrong turn in Gaza and all holy hell breaks loose—and that's just for starters..." "...Who's more likely to nuke its neighbors? Iran? A country with no nuclear weapons who's a party in good standing to a global nonproliferation treaty? Or Israel? A country with close to four hundred nuclear warheads mounted on cruise missiles in submarines that can be launched in a matter of minutes against any other country in the world, a country with a paranoid-schizophrenic penchant for unprovoked attacks on other sovereign nations, a country that's not only not a party to a nonproliferation treaty but doesn't admit it has any nuclear weapons, period? What kind of big fat lie is that..." "...Jews are a hundred times more likely to be billionaires than anyone else 'cause everyone else in the world is terrified of Jews. The last thing you ever want to do is piss off a Jew. Why? Whoa, let me count the ways. First, Jews are in charge of propaganda for the multinational Nazi conglomerates that have all the money in the world, second, the State of Israel has more nuclear weapons than China, India, Pakistan and the UK put together and third, the United States will protect and defend Israel at all costs against all enemies forever because no politician can get elected in America without the support of Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in the media and entertainment monopoly. If you piss off a Jew nobody will ever hear a word you have to say—you'll be blackballed, blacklisted, despised, rejected, demonized, ignored, intimidated—and if you piss of Israel you'll get nuked. It's a stacked deck..." "...A handful of Holocaust survivors and their offspring, with the all-pervasive media and entertainment monopoly on their side, are holding the whole world hostage. What should we be more worried about, Israeli cruise missiles armed with nuclear warheads being launched against the United States or Iran maybe enriching enough uranium to blow some Ayatollah's nose someday? The morons in media and entertainment will tell you it's the Ayatollah's nose we have to worry about. How absurd is that? You tell me. Those are the kinds of questions you can ask 'til the cows come home and not only will you never get an answer but nobody will ever even get to hear the question. Hitler and The Holocaust created a monster that's gonna give birth to a monster a thousand times worse than Hitler and the Holocaust ever were..." "...Israel's nuclear arsenal has been around since 1968. Every little community of ten thousand people in the State of Israel has its own personal nuclear weapon. There are sixty-five million people in Iran and the whole country doesn't have any nuclear weapons at all. Israel has unilaterally bombed other countries. Iran hasn't. Those are facts. One out of every four hundred people in the world is Jewish and one out of every three billionaires is a Jew. True or false? True..." "...The land of the free and the home of the brave has been ceded to a handful of Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in media and entertainment who gear everything that gets into anyone's brain toward two overriding objectives, making money for corporate Nazis and protecting and defending the State of Israel to the last breath of life on earth—whatever it takes, however many trillions of dollars, however much innocent blood, there's nothing more important than making money and keeping Israel safe..." "...There wasn't much Israel and the United States liked better than Iran and Iraq killing and maiming each other to the tune of however many million people it was during the Iran-Iraq war. The more Muslims that kill each other, the fewer Muslims we're going to have to kill in order for Israel to be secure and live in peace. As long there are any self-respecting Muslims left in the Middle East, Israel's never gonna be secure. Nobody in Israel even wants to live in peace. What would there be to kvetch about? It's hard to play the hapless victim when you're pound-for-pound the most powerful nation on the planet. We've hitched our star to a tribe of crazy people.." "...The global Nazi oligarchy's gonna come out smelling like a rose no matter who wins or loses in the Middle East or anywhere else. Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in the media and entertainment monopoly know how to perpetuate conflict, how to turn it into sizzle, how to sell it, how to capitalize on it. What progress has peace in the Middle East made in sixty years? None. Israel doesn't want an end to hostilities on any terms but its own and its terms are that as long as there's a single Islamic martyr willing to kill himself or herself in order to hurt a single Jew there's not gonna be an end to hostilities. Hostilities make money. There's always gonna be a quibble, a nuance, another nutty little Netanyahu nit to pick. Who's gonna solve that? The bottom line is that Israeli Jews and Arab Muslims don't hit it off, period, and it serves the purposes of media and entertainment to see to it that they never do. I suppose that's anti-Semitic, too..." "...If I'd lived in Nazi Germany, Hitler would've pissed me off. I would've tried to piss him off back. I may have ended up in Dachau but I'd way rather have been in Dachau than goose-stepping around with a swastika on my arm, swallowing Nazi schmaltz all day every day. Where I'm living now is in Nazi America, and it's guys like Si Newhouse and Sumner Redstone and Michael Bloomberg and David Geffen and Stephen Spielberg and Arthur Sulzberger and Jeff Berg and their lawyers and publicists and the army of politicians, college professors and think tank dweebs they own and operate who piss me off. They've got the whole world gagging on worthless, moneygrubbing Nazi schmaltz and drowning in mindless, thoughtless, criminally insane corporate-Nazi horseshit..."

Here's Ginny Good in its entirety. It's free, like me. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com
http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com

"...they'll have me whipped for speaking true, thou'lt
have me whipped for lying; and sometimes I am
whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any
kind o' thing than a fool: and yet I would not be
thee, nuncle..."

Hachette Book Group
1271 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
(212) 522-7200

(Warner Books/Grand Central Publishing, Warner Business Books, FaithWords, Mysterious Press, Yen Books, Aspect, Little, Brown and Company, Back Bay Books, Bulfinch Press)

http://www.hachettebookgroupusa.com

Grove/Atlantic
841 Broadway
New York, NY 10003

(Cannongate)

http://www.groveatlantic.com

Dear Mr. Jones, Thank you for your e-mail and for your interest in Grove/Atlantic. Unfortunately, given the overwhelming volume of material we receive, we are unable to accept unsolicited submissions. We have a hard enough time keeping up with submissions from agents these days, and therefore have made it our policy to no longer consider manuscripts directly from authors.

I don't know if you've begun the hunt for an agent yet but I think you would be well served by getting one. It's almost impossible to get published these days without one, and they are crucial in refining an author's work, finding an appropriate publishing house and editor, and protecting the author's interests.

My apologies if you already know this, but I've found this is a useful way to go about getting an agent. Rather than sending out 100 copies of your work, target them carefully. Find a dozen or so books which you think are similar in style or substance to yours—perhaps avoid huge bestsellers—and approach the agent behind the book. He or she is usually listed in the acknowledgements, or you can usually find the name online with a bit of creative Google searching. Send each of these agents a personalized letter explaining what drew you to them and their agency, and describing your work. Be sure to do your research; resources like The Literary Market Place, The Writer's Handbook, and The Writer's Guide to Book Editors, Publishers, and Literary Agents will have contact information as well as details on what the agent accepts from authors. Good luck! Regards, Alex Littlefield

Hey, Alex, I wrote the book on literary agents...and editors and publishers and movie guys and media guys and "writing" teachers and booksellers and publicists and sundry other greater and lesser hypesters, but thanks for your considerate response. G.

Gerard Jones
http://everyonewhosanyone.com

Hyperion Books
77 West 66th Street
New York, NY 10023

http://www.hyperionbooks.com

Weinstein Books
99 Hudson Street, 5th Flr.
New York, NY 10013
(212) 219-4100

http://www.weinsteinbooks.com

Perseus Books Group
387 Park Avenue South, 12th Flr.
New York, NY 10016
(212) 340-8100

(Basic Books, Public Affairs, Seal Press, Westview, DaCapo, Nation Books)

http://www.perseusbooksgroup.com

Basic Books
387 Park Avenue, South, 12th Flr.
New York, NY 10016

http://www.basicbooks.com

PublicAffairs
250 West 57th Street, Suite 1321
New York, NY 10107
(212) 397-6666

http://www.publicaffairsbooks.com

Gerard, what an amusing website, so expressive of editors' deep fear of being sucked under by a tidal wave of crap submissions, which may inspire their overwhelmed and bored assistants to resign, whereupon their company will seize the opportunity to reduce headcount. I deeply sympathize. PublicAffairs is a nonfiction publisher specializing in works of journalism, history, biography, memoir, and social criticism, most often by people who are public figures and/or have well-established journalistic credentials. Our books tend to be story-driven (as opposed to research based or service-oriented), highly publicizable, and about subjects of social, historical, cultural, or political significance. "Signature" books include Blind Man's Bluff: The Untold Story of American Submarine Espionage by Chris Drew and Sherry Sontag; The Crisis of Global Capitalism by George Soros; The Tiananmen Papers; Black Mass: The Irish Mob, the FBI, and a Devil's Deal by Gerard O'Neill and Dick Lehr; the 2002 NBCC Award finalist War is a Force That Gives Us Meaning by Chris Hedges; Washington, by Meg Greenfield; and Common Nonsense, by house author Andy Rooney. I tend to acquire fewer of the many politics-oriented books we do and more personal and "character-driven" books—such as a memoir by comedian Richard Lewis about his recovery from addiction, more literary/writerly narratives, like The Cat from Hue: A Vietnam War Story by John Laurence, and investigative journalism with new journalistic voice (Pipe Dreams: Greed, Ego, and the Death of Enron by Robert Bryce). I am also interested in the arts and environmental issues. Best of luck, Lisa

Dear Lisa: Candid responses like yours and Bill Frucht's chuckle me out and make this little project worth doing. Thanks. Hey, I just noticed you canceled your Audio Book, COMMON NONSENSE by Andy Rooney. You should replace it with an audio version of my book, GINNY GOOD. I'll read the thing for free and my voice is easily as gravely as his voice. Seriously. My agent sold most of the other rights but she kept the audio rights. She's trying to sell them at this very moment. Send her an e-mail.

Laura Strachan
alacrity@ix.netcom.com

You think I'm kidding. I'm not. Oh, oh, you should also tell some of the Perseus Book Group guys to buy the rights to this website and make it into a book too. It's really the most comprehensive, up-to-date and "real" listing of all the best literary agents, editors and publishers in the known universe and beyond—in addition to which, it's environmentally safe art. No kidding. Check out the Nettle article in the Reviews Section on this page:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/wps.html

He says it's total art. A new form. Ha! And if you need any help marketing any of your books, let me know. Thanks again. G.

Seal Press
1700 4th Street
Berkeley, California 94710
(510) 595-4228

http://www.sealpress.com

Westview Press
5500 Central Ave.
Boulder, CO 80301

http://www.westviewpress.com

Da Capo Press
11 Cambridge Center
Cambridge, MA 02142

387 Park Avenue South, 12th Flr.
New York, NY 10016
(212) 340-8100

http://www.dacapopress.com

NationBooks
116 East 16th St., 8th Flr.
New York, NY 10003
(212) 822-0250

http://www.nationbooks.org

...had no idea i was listed but I love the site! CARL BROMLEY, EDITORIAL DIRECTOR

Are you anyone? Then you're listed. Spread it around. Thanks. G.

Counterpoint Press
2117 Fourth St., Ste. D
Berkeley, CA 94701
(510) 704-0230

(Shoemaker & Hoard, Soft Skull Press)

http://www.counterpointpress.com

Soft Skull Press
19 West 21st St., Ste. 1101
New York NY 10010

http://www.softskull.com

South End Press
7 Brookline Street, Suite 1
Cambridge MA 02139-4146

http://www.southendpress.org

Melville House Publishing
300 Observer Hwy., 3rd. Flr.
Hoboken, NJ 07030.

http://www.mhpbooks.com

Update, March, 2006

Neither Dennis Johnson nor Valerie Merians are either Nazis or morons or any of the other things most of the rest of the people on my little list are. I've put an ampersand (@) next to the names of people who are "Not a Nazi Moron" but who are good, decent, hard-working, worthwhile people in the entertainment and media businesses. If you want to Not be a Nazi Moron, let me know in fewer than a hundred words why you think you shouldn't be. Thanks. G.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com

Yale University Press
P.O. Box 209040
New Haven, CT 06520

http://www.yale.edu/yup

Dear Mr. Jones: Thanks very much for letting me know about your web site, which I've bookmarked. It was especially instructive to see such an endlessly inventive and lively display of rejection letters. Mine had become rather stale and your site was a real wake-up call. You generally have to be a recognized academic or journalist to publish with Basic Books. We do no fiction (at least not intentionally). My own publishing has concentrated in science, economics, law, politics, and international relations. We accept unagented proposals now and then but the author's credentials have to be very good. With best wishes, Bill Frucht

Dear Bill: I wish everyone in the whole world was exactly like you--charming, candid, informative. Phew. Stevie Smith had a poem where she kept talking about a breath of fresh air. Thanks. G.

Dear Gerard: Thanks for your note. I like my comment just the way it is (and am flattered by your posted response). Best wishes, Bill Frucht

Dear Bill: Thanks. I've started an international good guy movement: "Why can't everyone be just like Bill Frucht?" It's already all the rage in Tibet. G.

September 29, 2008

Dear Gerard: I?m so self-satisfied about our little exchange on your site (under the Basic Books heading) that every so often I reread it just to assure myself that I really am that nice a guy. Thus it pains me to recommend that you take it down. Not only does it give some out of date information, but I am no longer in that job. I left and went to Yale University Press this summer. I hope you?re well. Best wishes, Bill Frucht

Oh, man, it's gonna pain me, too...my sole example of man's humanity to man, gone, gone, gone. Woe, oh woe. But, wait! I can transfer the gist to YUP. Yippee! Oh, oh, go listen to the greatest single chapter ever made in the history of all literature since the dawn of time when you have nothing better to do. It's free. Like me. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch19m.mp3

University of Chicago Press
1427 East 60th Street
Chicago, IL 60637

http://www.press.uchicago.edu

Dear Gerard, I believe this is the first time I've heard of or from you or about EWA. The concept doesn't make a lot of sense to me and I can't imagine where you got your information, especially about the University of Chicago Press. It must be pretty recent since Alex Schwartz has been here only a few months. Anyhow, good luck. David Brent

Dear David: I add things serendipitously as I come across them, so this may well be the first time you've heard of or from me. I included a link to a chapter by William Germano from his book published by the University of Chicago Press, and voila. The sense it makes to me is that it's a free, easily accessible guide to the US and UK publishing industries. Some people have use for such a thing, lots of people don't. Thanks. G.

Seven Stories Press
140 Watts Street
New York, NY 10013
(212) 226-8760

http://www.sevenstories.com

Dear Mr. Jones, Actually, I think it's good to have it skimpy. Thanks, Dan

McSweeney's
849 Valencia St.
San Francisco, CA 94110

http://www.mcsweeneys.net

MacAdam/Cage
155 Sansome St., Ste. 550
San Francisco CA 94104
(415) 986-7502

http://www.macadamcage.com

Impetus Press
PO Box 10025
Iowa City, IA 52240

http://www.impetuspress.com

Dear Gerard, My name is Jennifer Banash and I am the co-founder and co-publisher of Impetus Press of Iowa City, IA.. We would love to be included in your on-line guide. A struggling writer myself for the last few years, I have found Everyone Who's Anyone absolutely indispensable. We plan to publish four works of fiction this year, and five the following year. Here's a quick description of what we do:

Founded in the summer of 2005 on a mountain of contempt for mainstream publishing, Impetus Press was created to bridge the gap between experimental and commercial publishing. Here at Impetus Press, our goal is to print and promote works of literary fiction that have been lost in the seemingly endless gray area which lies between the lists of commercial and experimental presses. More specifically Impetus Press publishes serious works of literary fiction with a pop or urban sensibility. Please be aware that we publish literary fiction ONLY. No poetry, non-fiction, drama, or genre fiction of any kind.

Here, at Impetus, we challenge the notion that "serious" readers aren't concerned with pop culture, and that "mainstream" readers are mindless Neanderthals who shudder at the thought of anything "literary." In founding Impetus Press, we strive to change, not only the face of contemporary publishing as we know it, but the way in which writer?s are treated. At Impetus, both writers, and their work will be treated with the utmost respect, courtesy and consideration. In short, your work will be READ, carefully considered and treated with dignity.

For information on our submission policies, please refer to our website, currently under construction at www.impetuspress.com If you could include us,. we'd be very grateful.

Milkweed Editions
1011 Washington Avenue South, Ste. 300
Minneapolis MN 55415
(612) 332-3192

http://www.milkweed.org

Kensington Publishing Corp.
850 Third Avenue
New York, NY 10022

http://www.kensingtonbooks.com

Dear Gerald Jones, Walter Zacharius has asked me to respond to your recent e-mail regarding your proposed reference work. For information about the Kensington staff, please visit our website. After you have drafted your entry for Kensington, you may send it to me for a final check, if you'd like. Regarding your books, I must say that neither of the books as you describe them sounds like a good match for our list. Since most publishers do not accept unagented submissions, I suggest you start looking for an agent. I wish you the best in finding an enthusiastic response. Thank you for your interest in Kensington. Sincerely, Michaela Hamilton, Editor in Chief

Dear Michaela: Here's preliminarily what your entry will look like. When I get the project onto a website I'll let you know. I'm still fiddling with it. The comments of those agents, editors and publishers who responded to my query or who have responded to my queries in the past will be accessible by clicking a "comments" bar under his or her name. For the purposes of this email, however, I'm simply including them. So far I've identified over six hundred individual literary agents and over four hundred editors and publishers, both in the US and the UK, but it's also an ongoing project which I'm sure will, when word gets around, include more and be more valuable and more current than information contained in the Literary Market Place ($389 per year) or any of the other current guides to agents, editors and publishers. Initially I'm going to be offering access to the website at no cost--no advertising, no popups, etc.--and simply asking users to send me whatever money they may care to send.

I'm also looking for a publisher who may wish to buy the rights to a companion print version which would be available in book stores or through the website. Such a companion book will be more complete, succinct, honest, useful and entertaining than any of the best selling (and quite profitable) guides which currently exist. If Kensington would be interested in acquiring the rights to such a book, let me know. Thanks again. G.

Thrillers, mysteries, mainstream fiction, true crime, current events. Thanks for contacting me, but this would not be a good fit with Kensington's list. Thank you for including Kensington in your reference book.

Dear Michaela: Thanks again and you're welcome. G.

Historical romance, Regency romance, Brava erotic romance, women's contemporary fiction.

Commercial women's fiction and suspense.

Historical romance, Regency romance, women's contemporary fiction, gay fiction and non-fiction, mysteries, suspense, mainstream fiction.

Westerns, true crime, military, sports, how-to, narrative nonfiction

Biography, film, sports, New Age, spirituality

Historical romance, Regency romance, women's fiction, Brava erotic romance

Steerforth Press
25 Lebanon Street
Hanover, NH 03755
(603) 643-4787

http://www.steerforth.com

McGraw Hill Books
Two Penn Plaza, 5th Flr.
New York NY 10121
(212) 904-2000

http://www.books.mcgraw-hill.com

Beacon Press
25 Beacon Street
Boston Masssachusetts 02108

http://www.beacon.org

University of California Press
2120 Berkeley Way
Berkeley, CA 94704
(510) 642-4247

http://www.ucpress.edu

Brookline Books
PO Box 97
Newton Upper Falls, MA 02464

http://www.brooklinebooks.com

Abbeville Press
116 W. 23rd St., Suite 500
New York, New York 10011

http://www.abbeville.com

Andrews McMeel Publishing
4520 Main Street
Kansas City, MO 64111
(816) 932-6700

http://www.amuniversal.com/amp

Health Communications, Inc.
3201 S.W. 15th Street
Deerfield Beach, Florida 33442

http://www.hci-online.com

So New
PO Box 3423
Eugene, OR 97403

http://www.sonewpublishing.com

Dickweed Lit Mags, Etc., Etc.

failbetter.com
2022 Grove Avenue
Richmond, VA 23220

http://www.failbetter.com

(@) = Not a corporate fascist. (Feel free to apply for non-corporate fascist status...simply tell me in fifty words or fewer why you think you're not a corporate fascist.)

(*) = E-mail bounced. Correct information much appreciated. In fact, anyone who knows anything I don't know, let me know.

(!) = E-mail blocked (just mine, not yours), probably 'cause the intended recipient and/or the company by which he or she is owned and operated is an extra brainwashed, super chicken, corporate fascist goon.

(666) = Asked not to be contacted (by me, not by you), very likely because he or she is a happy little slave boy or a happy little slave girl and doesn't want it any other way, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com