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January 3, 2009

There were fewer than half a million Jews in the Warsaw ghetto. There are a million and a half Palestinians in the Gaza ghetto. Jews in the Warsaw ghetto resisted the Nazi occupation with whatever crude weapons they had. A few Germans were killed or wounded but it wasn't a fair fight. Palestinians are resisting the Israeli occupation. A few Jews have been killed or wounded but it's not a fair fight. Here are some excerpts from Chapter Forty-two of Oprah's Dead Son:

"...Things didn't work out for The Third Reich and handy-dandy, Jews got to be God's chosen people again. Jews got given the State of Israel because of all the wrong that got done to them by Hitler and the Nazis, the same way Hitler and the Nazis got given Germany on account of all the wrong that got done to Germans after the First World War. Jews can do no wrong on account of all the wrong that got done to them. The State of Israel can get away with murder the same way Nazis got away with murder. Turnabout is fair play. To the victors go the spoils. Might makes right. Because of the Holocaust, Israel doesn't have to abide by international law, the same way Hitler didn't have to abide by international law after the Treaty of Versailles. The Israeli Defense Force can attack and occupy any territory it wants to attack and occupy. UN resolutions have no effect on the State of Israel. Israel can kill and maim and kidnap anyone it wants to kill and maim and kidnap. Tens of thousands of Palestinians have been routinely tortured in Israeli jails for decades but let one lonely nineteen-year-old Jewish soldier take a wrong turn in Gaza and all holy hell breaks loose—and that's just for starters..." "...Who's more likely to nuke its neighbors? Iran? A country with no nuclear weapons who's a party in good standing to a global nonproliferation treaty? Or Israel? A country with close to four hundred nuclear warheads mounted on cruise missiles in submarines that can be launched in a matter of minutes against any other country in the world, a country with a paranoid-schizophrenic penchant for unprovoked attacks on other sovereign nations, a country that's not only not a party to a nonproliferation treaty but doesn't admit it has any nuclear weapons, period? What kind of big fat lie is that..." "...Jews are a hundred times more likely to be billionaires than anyone else 'cause everyone else in the world is terrified of Jews. The last thing you ever want to do is piss off a Jew. Why? Whoa, let me count the ways. First, Jews are in charge of propaganda for the multinational Nazi conglomerates that have all the money in the world, second, the State of Israel has more nuclear weapons than China, India, Pakistan and the UK put together and third, the United States will protect and defend Israel at all costs against all enemies forever because no politician can get elected in America without the support of Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in the media and entertainment monopoly. If you piss off a Jew nobody will ever hear a word you have to say—you'll be blackballed, blacklisted, despised, rejected, demonized, ignored, intimidated—and if you piss of Israel you'll get nuked. It's a stacked deck..." "...A handful of Holocaust survivors and their offspring, with the all-pervasive media and entertainment monopoly on their side, are holding the whole world hostage. What should we be more worried about, Israeli cruise missiles armed with nuclear warheads being launched against the United States or Iran maybe enriching enough uranium to blow some Ayatollah's nose someday? The morons in media and entertainment will tell you it's the Ayatollah's nose we have to worry about. How absurd is that? You tell me. Those are the kinds of questions you can ask 'til the cows come home and not only will you never get an answer but nobody will ever even get to hear the question. Hitler and The Holocaust created a monster that's gonna give birth to a monster a thousand times worse than Hitler and the Holocaust ever were..." "...Israel's nuclear arsenal has been around since 1968. Every little community of ten thousand people in the State of Israel has its own personal nuclear weapon. There are sixty-five million people in Iran and the whole country doesn't have any nuclear weapons at all. Israel has unilaterally bombed other countries. Iran hasn't. Those are facts. One out of every four hundred people in the world is Jewish and one out of every three billionaires is a Jew. True or false? True..." "...The land of the free and the home of the brave has been ceded to a handful of Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in media and entertainment who gear everything that gets into anyone's brain toward two overriding objectives, making money for corporate Nazis and protecting and defending the State of Israel to the last breath of life on earth—whatever it takes, however many trillions of dollars, however much innocent blood, there's nothing more important than making money and keeping Israel safe..." "...There wasn't much Israel and the United States liked better than Iran and Iraq killing and maiming each other to the tune of however many million people it was during the Iran-Iraq war. The more Muslims that kill each other, the fewer Muslims we're going to have to kill in order for Israel to be secure and live in peace. As long there are any self-respecting Muslims left in the Middle East, Israel's never gonna be secure. Nobody in Israel even wants to live in peace. What would there be to kvetch about? It's hard to play the hapless victim when you're pound-for-pound the most powerful nation on the planet. We've hitched our star to a tribe of crazy people.." "...The global Nazi oligarchy's gonna come out smelling like a rose no matter who wins or loses in the Middle East or anywhere else. Jews and guys who kiss up to Jews in the media and entertainment monopoly know how to perpetuate conflict, how to turn it into sizzle, how to sell it, how to capitalize on it. What progress has peace in the Middle East made in sixty years? None. Israel doesn't want an end to hostilities on any terms but its own and its terms are that as long as there's a single Islamic martyr willing to kill himself or herself in order to hurt a single Jew there's not gonna be an end to hostilities. Hostilities make money. There's always gonna be a quibble, a nuance, another nutty little Netanyahu nit to pick. Who's gonna solve that? The bottom line is that Israeli Jews and Arab Muslims don't hit it off, period, and it serves the purposes of media and entertainment to see to it that they never do. I suppose that's anti-Semitic, too..." "...If I'd lived in Nazi Germany, Hitler would've pissed me off. I would've tried to piss him off back. I may have ended up in Dachau but I'd way rather have been in Dachau than goose-stepping around with a swastika on my arm, swallowing Nazi schmaltz all day every day. Where I'm living now is in Nazi America, and it's guys like Si Newhouse and Sumner Redstone and Michael Bloomberg and David Geffen and Stephen Spielberg and Arthur Sulzberger and Jeff Berg and their lawyers and publicists and the army of politicians, college professors and think tank dweebs they own and operate who piss me off. They've got the whole world gagging on worthless, moneygrubbing Nazi schmaltz and drowning in mindless, thoughtless, criminally insane corporate-Nazi horseshit..."

Here's Ginny Good in its entirety. It's free, like me. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com
http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com

"...they'll have me whipped for speaking true, thou'lt
have me whipped for lying; and sometimes I am
whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any
kind o' thing than a fool: and yet I would not be
thee, nuncle..."

Weed Literary, LLC
55 East 65th St., Ste. 4-E
New York, NY 10065
(646) 715-8878

http://www.weedliterary.com

Marianne Strong Literary Agency
65 E. 96th Street, Ste. 4-B
New York, NY 10128

Waterside Productions, Inc
2055 Oxford Avenue
Cardiff-by-the-Sea, CA 92007

http://www.waterside.com

I'd like to have listed these additional areas I handle in nonfiction trade titles also, especially Self Help, Current Events, Business Trends and New Science. Thanks, Gerard. Carole Jelen McClendon, VP/Literary Agent

You're more than welcome. Here's a self-help chapter for you...I don't think it's gonna be Dr. Phil's cup of tea but it was self-help to me. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch32m.mp3

Joanna Pulcini Literary Management

http://www.jplm.com

Hey, Joanna, I don't do anything as a service to anyone but myself, actually. I just made myself a convenient way to get my beautiful books dissed and dissed and dissed again. If writers want to use my little list that's fine with me as I explain fairly thoroughly here:

http://mobylives.com/Jones_EWA.html

The only information I have for you is what you have on your website. Your "advice to writers" is fine. You should stick it on your site and maybe add the best "coming of age" book written thus far this century:

http://janmag.com/biography/ginnygood.html

Or add a link to my cool new free fifteen hour audio book. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

Linda Michaels Agency
344 Main Street
PO Box 567
Lakeville, CT 06039
(860) 435-1432

Talbot Fortune Agency
180 E. Prospect Ave., Ste. 188
Mamaroneck, NY 10543

http://www.talbotfortuneagency.com

Cornerstone Literary Agency
4525 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 208
Los Angeles, CA 90010
(323) 930-6039

http://cornerstoneliterary.com

Jane Starr International Literary Scout
1350 Avenue of the Americas, Ste. 1205
New York, NY 10019
(212) 421-0777

http://www.janestarr.com

Van der Leun & Associates
954 Lexington Ave., Ste. 230
New York, NY 10021
(212) 477-2033

We're not at the same address and not taking on new clients. Please remove our name. Many thanks. Patricia van der Leun

I don't remove names but I'll change your address and will pass along the information about not taking new clients. Oh, and here's a little Buddhist chapter for you. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch35m.mp3

Sobel Weber Associates
146 East 19th Street
New York, NY 10003

http://www.sobelweber.com

Dear Mr. Jones, We would prefer not to be listed in your directory. Our submission guidelines, clearly outlined on our own website, stipulate that we do not read electronically submitted queries or submissions. Yet, in the past year, we have received a flood of such e-mails, clearly submitted simultaneously to many agents. I can only think that the source of these submissions is directories such as this one. Sincerely, Judith Weber

Dear Judith: I'll include that information in your listing. That's the best I can do. Thanks for understanding. G.

The Literati Agency
138 Old Liberty Pike
Franklin, TN 37064
(615) 791-5994

http://www.theliterati.net

Jonathan Scott, Inc.
933 West Van Buren, Ste. 510
Chicago, IL 60607
(312) 339-7300

http://www.jonathanscott.us

Whimsy Literary Agency
49 North 8th Street, Penthouse 6-G
Brooklyn, NY 11211
(212) 674-7162

Natasha Kern Literary Agency
P.O. Box 2908
Portland, OR 97208

http://www.natashakern.com

I appreciate your help in assisting writers to connect with the agent who is right for them! Natasha

Nancy Stauffer Associates
PO Box 1203
Darien, CT 06820

The Jassin Office
1560 Broadway, Ste. 400
New York, NY 10036
(212) 354-4442

http://www.copylaw.com

Kleinworks Agency
2401 Brooks Street, Ste. 635
Missoula, MT 59801

http://www.kleinworks.com

Karen Gantz Zahler
860 Fifth Ave Suite 7J
New York, NY 10021
(212) 734-3619

http://www.karengantzlit.com

The Epstein Literary Agency
PO Box 356
Avon, MA 02322

http://www.epsteinliterary.com

I don't do fiction, poetry, children's, screenplays or drama, but I'm actively building a list comprised of nonfiction for adults. Electronic submissions preferred. Save a tree and all that. Kate E.

Lindstrom Literary Group
871 N. Greenbrier St.
Arlington, VA 22205

Lit Enterprises, Inc.
115 East 92nd Street
New York, NY 10128

Very small agency, with no fiction contacts. Non-fiction, self-help, and technical books only. Thanks. Dianne Littwin

Feigen/Parrent Literary Management
10158 Hollow Glen Circle
Bel Air, CA 90077

Bettina Schrewe Literary Scouting
101 Fifth Avenue, Suite 11B
New York, NY 10003

http://www.bschrewe.com

Redwood Agency
474 Wellesley Ave.
Mill Valley, CA 94941
(415) 381-2269

http://www.redwoodagency.com

E. J. McCarthy Agency
1104 Shelter Bay Ave.
Mill Valley, CA 94941

3 Seas Literary Agency
P.O. Box 8571
Madison, WI 53708

http://www.threeseaslit.com

The Cypher Agency
816 Wolcott Avenue
Beacon, NY 12508

http://pages.prodigy.net/jimcypher

Mendel Media Group
115 West 30th St., Ste. 800
New York, NY 10001

http://www.mendelmedia.com

Hill Media
1155 Camino Del Mar, Ste. 530
Del Mar, CA 92014
(858) 259-2595

Thank you very much for listing me. Julie Hill

Hey, Julie, Chapter Two is called Del Mar.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html

Here's the audio version. Thanks. G.

http://orelitrev.startlogic.com/v3n2/GGch02m.mp3

Update: October 2006

i'm sorry being an author has not been more rewarding. sadly, you are in the majority. but i have no idea how publishers could change their ways except to buy fewer books, something they are reluctant to embrace. of course this policy, carrried out until now anyway, would have hurt both you and me.there are exceptions, but in the main, i find book publishers to be illogical business people. and if more writers knew the business end of it, perhaps they would find another dream to pursue. but the almighty book continues to attract us, sometimes deceives us, yet we go back for more. go figure. i really feel we may be as guilty as the publishers. best, jh

Oh, being an author has been extraordinarily rewarding...there's nothing more rewarding than having made several of the greatest new literary art forms of the 21st Century. Giving them away for free is part of what makes 'em such great art. If I got mere money for my work I couldn't have done what I've done. How much fun would that have been? No fun, that's how much fun. Thanks. G.

Gerard Jones
http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch00introm.mp3

Cowles-Ryan Literary Agency
PO Box 1134
3 West Main Street
Stockbridge, MA 01262

Renee Zuckerbrot Literary Agency
115 West 29th Street, 10th floor
New York, NY 10001

http://rzagency.com

Firebrand Literary Agency
701 President Street, Ste. 4
Brooklyn, NY 11215
(347) 689-4762

http://www.firebrandliterary.com

Dunham Literary
156 Fifth Ave., Suite 625
New York, NY 10010

http://www.dunhamlit.com

Please remove this email address from your list. We do not accept email queries.

DH Literary, Inc.
P.O. Box 990
Nyack, NY 10960

Pleas add a note to my listing that I am NOT accepting ANY new clients. Too busy. Best Wishes. David

Full Circle Literary
7676 Hazard Center Drive, #500
San Diego, CA 92108

http://www.fullcircleliterary.com

Thank you for including me, but i haven't been taking on new projects, so i have to ask to be removed from the list. best, lilly

Jellinek & Murray Literary Agency
2024 Mauna Place
Honolulu, HI 96822
(808) 521-4057

Hi Gerry, thanks for a very useful site--I use it all the time. Aloha, Roger

The E S Agency
6612 Pacheco Way
Citrus Heights, CA 95610
(916) 723-2794

Objective Entertainment
265 Canal Street, Ste. 603-B
New York, New York 10013
(212) 431.5454

http://www.objectiveent.com

Agents INK
PO Box 4956
Fresno, CA 93744

http://www.agents-ink.com

Triada U.S. Literary Agency
PO Box 561
Sewickley, PA 15143
(412) 401-3376

http://www.triadaus.com

Lynda Tolls Literary Agency
PO Box 1884
Bend, OR 97709
(541) 388-3510

The Weingel-Fidel Agency
310 E. 46th St., Ste. 21-E
New York, NY 10017
(212) 599-2959

Bennett & West Literary Agency
1004 San Felipe Lane
The Villages, FL 32159
(352) 751-2314

http://www.bennettwestlit.com

Lennie Literary Agency & Author's Attorney
750 B Street, Suite 2500
San Diego, CA 92101

http://www.lennieliterary.com

Vivian Beck Agency
124 Zandra Ave.
Lyons GA 30436

http://www.vivianbeck.com

Harris Literary Agency
PO Box 6023
San Diego, CA 92166

http://www.harrisliterary.com

BookEnds
136 Long Hill Rd.
Gillette, NJ 07933

http://www.bookends-inc.com

Congratulations on the sale! Please feel free to include the following: BookEnds is currently accepting queries from published and unpublished writers in the areas of romance, chic lit, romantic suspense, mystery, women's fiction, and literary fiction. We also do a great deal of nonfiction in the areas of spirituality, self-help, business/finance, health, psychology, relationships, parenting, pets, and general nonfiction. Queries can be sent via email or snail mail. We will also accept proposals--first three chapters and a synopsis. More information can be found on our Web site. Thanks. Jessica Faust

Gerard: We've received a number of submissions based on your site. Looks like you're doing good work. The blurb looks great. No changes this time around. Thanks!

I AM doing good work. It's fun though, or I wouldn't do it. Thanks. G.

James Literary Agency

oh, gerard. your hyperbole never ceases to give me pleasure. jon

What gives me pleasure is it ain't hyperbole. Go read it and see. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html

there you go again. stop it!

Hey, people have been telling me that you're not a "real" literary agent and that you're "mean" to writers. I tell 'em you're not mean enough if they still think they're "writers." Keep up the good work. Fathers and teachers, I ponder, what is a real literary agent? G.

Heh. You're exactly right, and that's precisely why I don't baby them. My favorite reply is "you should have just sent a form-letter rejection." These people need to find other hobbies.

I had a good teacher. Chapter 8. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn2.html

"Everywhere I go, I'm asked if I think the universities stifle writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them."

--Flannery O'Connor

JET Literary Associates
2570 Camino San Patricio
Santa Fe, NM 87505

http://jetliterary.com

Kitchen and Hansen Agency
(413) 259-1627
(914) 961-4131

http://www.kitchenandhansen.com

The Neville Agency
PO Box 388
New York, NY 10276

Literary Artists Representatives
575 West End Avenue
New York, NY 10024

Dee Mura Enterprises, Inc.
269 West Shore Dr.
Massapequa, NY 11758
(516) 795-1616

Allen O'Shea Literary Agency

Fairbank Literary Representation
199 Mount Auburn St., Ste. 1
Cambridge, MA 02138
(617) 576-0030

http://www.fairbankliterary.com

Pimlico Agency
Box 20447, Cherokee Station
New York, NY 10021

The Miller Agency
One Sheridan Square, #7B
New York, NY 10014

Greystone Literary Agency
437 New York Ave NW #211
Washington DC 20001
(202) 234-2299

http://www.greystonelit.com

I am mostly looking for intelligent and provocative non-fiction by people who are either experts in their field or have a history of publishing in magazines and newspapers and are ready for the next step. No Memoirs Please. Greystone Literary Agency

JABberwocky Literary Agency
PO Box 4558
Sunnyside, NY 11104

Mr. Jones: You have my name spelled wrong. And since I delete anything that even looks look like an unsolicited e-mail query without even opening the e-mail, you'd be doing a service to your visitors by removing my e-mail address from the listing. Joshua Bilmes JABberwocky Literary Agency

Oh, man, out of 54,485 letters combining to form 4,733 names I left out a grand total of one letter in one name. Sheesh. And here I thot I was perfect. I'll fix it. What's up with that "looks look like," though? Thanks. G.

Lawrence Jordan Literary Agency
345 W. 121st Street
New York, NY 10027

Paul S. Levine Literary Agency
1054 Superba Avenue
Venice, CA 90291
(310) 450-6711

http://www.paulslevine.com

March Tenth, Inc.
4 Myrtle Street
Haworth, NJ 07641

The Seymour Agency
475 Miner Street Road
Canton, New York 13617

http://www.theseymouragency.com

The Stuart Agency
260 W. 52 Street, Ste. 24-C
New York, NY 10019

Pavilion Literary Management
660 Massachusetts Ave., Ste. 4
Boston, MA 02118
(617) 792-5218

http://www.pavilionliterary.com

Fresh Books Literary Agency
231 Diana Street
Placerville, CA 95667

http://www.fresh-books.com

John W. Wright, Literary Agent
1133 Broadway, Ste. 1124
New York, NY 10010
(212) 647-8218

The Amy Rennert Agency
98 Main Street, #302
Tiburon, CA 94920

http://www.amyrennert.com

Yoknapatawpha Literary Agency
PO Box 137
Annandale, NJ 08801

Bond Literary Agency

LadnerBond Literary Management
Cherokee Station, Box 20454
New York, NY 10021

Toni Lopopolo Literary Management
8837 School House Lane
Coopersburg, PA 18036

Don Gastwirth Literary Agency
265 College St. Ste. 10-N
New Haven, CT 06510
(203) 562-7600

Crichton & Associates, Inc.
6940 Carroll Avenue
Takoma Park, MD 20912

http://crichton-associates.com

Nancy Ellis Literary Agency
PO Box 1564
Willits, CA 95490
(707) 459-4152

http://www.booksatbulldog.com

SE Literary Properties
PO Box 2585
Pinellas Park, FL 33780

http://seliterary.homestead.com

Hi Gerard, Next time you refresh your pages, feel free to update my mailing address, which reflects my move from Connecticut to sunny Florida. Great site. Good luck with Ginny. Regards, Stephen Everett

Or crisp Connecticut to humid Florida as you may be saying in a month or three. Hey, I sent my Dostoyevski novel to Danielle Steele and she loved it. I'll fix things. Next time you refresh your pages, feel free to add a link to my site. Thanks. G.

Caren Johnson Literary Agency
132 E. 43rd St., Ste. 216
New York, NY 10017

Omniquest Entertainment
1416 N. La Brae Avenue
Hollywood, CA 90028
(303) 802-1633

http://www.omniquestmedia.com

Hello Gerard-Thank you for including me in your directory, however, I do not represent book authors. I only rep a few screenplay writers and directors and mainly produce. Might be a good idea to remove me (not coming from a "hoity-toity" position just clarity). All the best, Michael Kaliski, Omniquest Entertainment

I've included the clarification. Thanks. G.

Sara Camilli Agency
1762 Sand Beach Road
Hummelstown, PA 17036

Edite Kroll Literary Agency
20 Cross Street
Saco, ME 04072
(207) 282-8797

Winsun Literary Agency
3706 NE Shady Lane Drive
Gladstone, MO 64119
(816) 459-8016

Vanguard Literary Agency
81 E. Jefryn Blvd., Ste. E
Deer Park, NY 11729
(718) 710-3662

Literary Works
639 Thornton Rd., Ste. 102
Lithia Springs, GA 30122
(678) 838-0898

http://www.literary-works.com

Writers' Productions Literary Agency
PO Box 630
Westport, CT 06881
(203) 227-8199

MacGregor Literary
2373 NW 185th Ave., Ste. 165
Hillsboro, OR 97214
(503) 277-8308

http://www.macgregorliterary.com

The Guma Agency

Intellectual Prop. Mgmt. Group
PO Box 503
Kensington, MD 20895

Mr. Jones: As our agency terminates its effort to sell books to the U.S. media czars, we thought we'd pass on a note to you that our disappearance is largely due to much of what you say about the new world order of media.

On our site we display in bold red text our exit from the business and point the visitor to another red-text link to find other agents, should they persist.

Your site is listed at the top of the list. Perhaps others will find wisdom in some of your discernment about the media industry.

Good luck with your effort to get G.G. to film. Your audio-book of her was excellent.

-The Departed
(ex-IPMG Lit Agents)

Dear Departed: I figured out a long time ago that I'd rather be right than rich. Why anyone would want to waste his or her precious time buying or selling or reading or writing the godawful sophomoric slop and jingoistic gibberish that's being bought and sold and therefore read and therefore written is beyond my ability to comprehend. I'll put your epitaph on my site. Thanks. G.

(@) = Not a corporate fascist. (Feel free to apply for non-corporate fascist status...simply tell me in fifty words or fewer why you think you're not a corporate fascist.)

(*) = E-mail bounced. Correct information much appreciated. In fact, anyone who knows anything I don't know, let me know.

(!) = E-mail blocked (just mine, not yours), probably 'cause the intended recipient and/or the company by which he or she is owned and operated is an extra brainwashed, super chicken, corporate fascist goon.

(666) = Asked not to be contacted (by me, not by you), very likely because he or she is a happy little slave boy or a happy little slave girl and doesn't want it any other way, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com