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June 26, 2009

Here's the fourth installment from Chapter Nineteen ("La Honda," aka, The Acid Chapter) of The Audio Book of GINNY GOOD—easily and by far the best, most important work of literary art made anywhere in the world so far this century.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch19mclip4.mp3

Nobody's gonna listen to it, of course. People only listen to the trivial drivel their owners pay propaganda goons to get them to listen to, but so what? I made it. That was what I wanted to do. You can learn more about how the media and entertainment cabal rots your brain, robs you blind and keeps you a stupid slave from cradle to grave by reading Chapters 39-42 of Oprah's Dead Son.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/awsyn10.html

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/awsyn11.html

Nobody's gonna do that, either. Oh, well. Ignorance is bliss. We don't want to know what morons we are; we prefer to fritter and twitter and facebook our lives away while the rich get rich and the poor get poorer—in the meantime, in between time, ain't we got fun.

Here's Ginny Good (ISBN: 0972635750) in its entirety. You can buy it new for $16.95 (plus shipping) or you can read it online for free—yet another thing nobody's gonna do due to being brainwashed out of his or her silly, sappy, superfluous mind by the all-pervasive, mega-Nazi media and entertainment monopoly.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html

Here's the index to The Audio Book of GINNY GOOD. It's free, too—everything I do is free. Listen to a chapter or two and, if you want a copy of the whole thing on .mp3 CDs (including shipping), give me an address and I'll send you a copy.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

Finally, if you want to see what all else is on my modest, unassuming little website (way more than mere words can begin to say), click this:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/other.html

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com
http://www.everyonewhosanyone.com

"...they'll have me whipped for speaking true, thou'lt
have me whipped for lying; and sometimes I am
whipped for holding my peace. I had rather be any
kind o' thing than a fool: and yet I would not be
thee, nuncle..."

PFD
Drury House
34-43 Russell Street
London WC2B 5HA
020 7344 1000

http://www.pfd.co.uk

United Agents
12 - 26 Lexington Street
London, W1F 0LE
(0) 20 3214 0800

http://www.unitedagents.co.uk

Dear Gerard: Many thanks for sending me the links to your Ginny Good website. I'm afraid that I did not quite feel that all-important connection with your work that I know is vital in this industry, but please do not give up. There are as many opinions out there as there are agents, and a full list of them can be found at:

http://www.bloomsbury.com/writersarea/AgentsUK.asp

With best wishes and good luck in your future endeavours, Simon Trewin

Hey, Simon, part of my site is a more comprehensive list of agents than the Bloomsbury site. Here's another chapter of the audio book I just put up, click the link and take a listen. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch07m.mp3

Dear Gerard: I have read and thoroughly enjoyed your book. It is well written, original and very entertaining, and I would be really keen to have a go at placing it with a publisher on your behalf. In the meantime, I'd love to learn a bit more about you! Who you are and where you live for a start. Do give me a ring or email me more details. I can also tell you a bit more about me and how I work so you can decide if you would like me to represent you. I look forward to hearing from you soon. All best Rosemary

...The other reservation I have is if you spend all kinds of money on copies and ancilliary services and don't sell the book, am I supposed to pay for all that? Which I'm telling you right now I can't because I don't have any money. Lastly, I didn't see a long list of successful placements of this kind of book below your name in the PFD website but I think this would be new enough to both of us that it might just work out astonishingly well. I hope these questions aren't too unreasonable. I would very much like to trust that I could just sign the thing and let you take care of everything to our eternal mutual satisfaction. Let me know what to do next. Thanks. G.

Dear Gerry Your comments and questions seem eminently reasonable. Yes, I am enthusiastic, and that is (I think) the single most important quality you need in an agent. And although as you rightly say I do not represent a long list of quirky American novelists, there is a lot to be said from your point of view for not being simply one of a big pack. As you can see, I am backed up by the expertise, experience and reputation of the biggest UK agency and we have extremely good relationships with all the UK publishers. I agree that the big question mark is how best to represent you in the States, and I don't think there is an easy answer. All I can really do from here is - either recommend you to one of the NY agents we work with from here - at which point their decision will still be a personal one based on how they feel about your work. Or submit direct from here to US publishers - a time-consuming business with no guarantee of success.

Alternatively, you could continue to work direct in the US - find yourself a New York agent who will champion you there. The final option - and possibly the best - is to sell World English language rights to the UK publisher who will then take a (small) percentage and sell the US rights themselves. Most UK publishers have energetic rights departments who would love to get their hands on a book like this for the American market. On to the commission question. As I said, the 10% UK and 20% US figures are for UK residents (usually). Perhaps you and I could agree a compromise - say 15% on both? As you probably know, most New York agents charge 15% for US rights and 20% for UK so on 15% for both you would be getting a bargain! Let me know what you think.

And finally - if I fail to sell the book you don't have to pay a penny - it is our job to take that risk! Give me a ring if you want to talk about any of this - I can always ring you back! I look forward to hearing from you soon. All best Rosemary

Quirky? Yeah, well, okay. I like the part about a thoroughly, uniquely and truly totally American book slipping into US markets through the UK while all the US houses are scouring the streets of Calcutta to find things to translate from Hindi. What's that quote about a prophet in his own country? Being despised? Ignored? I forget. But wouldn't that be slick? Okay, I say let's do it. Thanks. G.

Rogers, Coleridge & White
20 Powis Mews
London, W11 1JN
020 7221 3717

http://www.rcwlitagency.co.uk

Curtis Brown Group, Ltd.
Haymarket House
28/29 Haymarket
London SW1Y 4SP
(0)20 7393 4400

http://www.curtisbrown.co.uk

I tracked you down! And put a link to the press release. Hey, did anyone ever send you my beautiful book? Did you ever read it? Here's a chapter of the audio book you'd like. It's all girlie. Here's the index to the audio book:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

I've also added about a billion media guys:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/pv/pv01.html

Thanks. G.

AP Watt Ltd
20 John Street
London WC1N 2DR
020 7405 6774

http://www.apwatt.co.uk

Hi Gerard: As a struggling, not-so-young-anymore agent I get frustrated the way you do. I guess there is a certain amount of closed shop attitude but I don?t think that explains it all. The trouble is I think everyone's fighting against a faceless enemy in a way. For you it's agents and editors. For me it's editors and sometimes their sales colleagues. For editors it's sometimes their sales colleagues or sometimes what they perceive the reading public to be or maybe even me for not sending them what they want. Sales people have to please the booksellers. Booksellers the public. Everyone struggles a bit and most people don't mean any harm. It'll change and it's already changing because of the internet so that the process of selection becomes more democratic and directly linked to the reading public. And we'll all likely be out of a job. So you'll probably be laughing last and longest. Good luck with everything. With best wishes, Anjali

Hey, Anjali, you're absolutely right, of course. From the mud grows the lotus. Here's the index of the audio book. Thanks. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

A.M.Heath & Co. Ltd.
6 Warwick Court
Holborn
London WC1R 5DJ

http://www.amheath.com

Blake Friedmann Agency Ltd.
122 Arlington Road
London NW1 7HP

http://www.blakefriedmann.co.uk

Ah, perfection itself! All fixed. Here's a slick audio book chapter for you for your trouble. Thanks! G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch35m.mp3

Casarotto, Ramsay & Associates
Casarotto, Marsh, Ltd.
National House, 60-66 Wardour Street
London W1V 4ND

http://www.casarotto.co.uk

Christopher Little Literary Agency
10 Eel Brook Studios
125 Moore Park Road
London SW6 4PS

http://www.christopherlittle.net

Wylie Agency Ltd.
17 Bedford Square
London WC1B 3JA

http://www.wylieagency.co.uk

Ed Victor, Ltd.
6 Bayley Street
Bedford Square
London WC1B 3HB

Janklow and Nesbit Ltd.
29 Adam and Eve Mews
London W8 6UG

http://www.janklowandnesbit.co.uk

David Higham Associates Ltd.
5-8 Lower John Street, Golden Square
London W1F 9HA

http://www.davidhigham.co.uk

Independent Talent Group
76 Oxford Street
London W1D 1BS
+44 20 7636 6565

http://www.independenttalent.com

Partial Client List:

Actors: Michael Caine, Maggie Smith, Gary Oldman, Alan Rickman, Sam Mendes, Ben Kingsley, Rupert Everett, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Sir Anthony Hopkins

Directors: Mike Newell, Danny Boyle, Guy Ritchie...

ICM Books
4-6 Soho Square
London W1D 3PZ

Aitken Alexander Associates
18-21 Cavaye Place
London SW10 9PT
020 7373 8672

http://www.aitkenalexander.co.uk

***Redacted***

Actually I have both an agent and a publisher for Ginny Good, it's been out since April. Now I'm trying to get someone to buy the British rights and make a movie out of it. With my other books, I'm starting from scratch. You should read one or two of them. Maybe you'll want to be my agent. You think? Here's what Nick Clee had to say about GG in his column in the Guardian:

http://books.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,12084,1226356,00.html

I write important, carefully crafted books really, really well. That's a hard commodity to sell, I admit. Agents like to represent unimportant, ill-considered, easy to sell schlock and publishers like to buy unimportant, ill-considered, easy to sell schlock. It's a match made in marketing heaven. I see it as a sign of excellence that not many people have paid much attention to my work. Give it fifty years or so. Thanks. G.

The Marsh Agency
50. Albemarle Street
London, W1S 4BD

(Peterson-Marsh)

http://www.marsh-agency.co.uk

IMG Literary UK
Pier House
Strand on the Green
London W4 3NN

http://www.imgspeakers.com

William Morris Agency UK Ltd.
52/53 Poland Street
London W1F 7LX

Unsolicited material welcome. Please send or e-mail 3 chapters and a synopsis of your work. Particular interest in fiction, history, politics and biography. Thanks, Eugenie Furniss

Sheil Land Associates, Ltd.
Literary, Thearer & Film Agents
43 Doughty Street
London WC1N 2LF

Johnson & Alcock, Ltd.
Clerkenwell House
45-47 Clerkenwell Green
London EC1R 0HT
020 7251 0125

http://www.johnsonandalcock.co.uk

Hi Gerard, Didn't realise Johnson & Alcock had crept onto your slate, delighted you've got us listed. We're a relatively small agency that likes to punch above its weight, with clients including Dick Francis, Dame Beryl Bainbridge, Clare Francis, DM Thomas, Phil Rickman, Jenny Joseph, James Hamilton-Paterson and Lisa Hilton. My role here is to inject a bit of youth into the list, and I'm particularly looking for quirky non-fiction, postmodern fiction, graphic novelists and anything brimming with zeitgeist.

Big fan of the site and have been for a few years – you serve a vital part in connecting talented authors with the people best equipped to deal with them. Please keep up the good work! Perhaps you should write about the process of keeping a site like EVERYONE WHO'S ANYONE going, and your daily combat with the media machine. Please send through anything to me that might be of interest (hardcopy only, we don't accept e-submissions yet), and very best of luck with your writing in the future. Cheerio, E

It's rare that an agent says anything but bitchy things to me. Thanks! If you want a copy of the audio book of Ginny Good on .mp3 CDs, let me know and I'll send you a copy. Here's the index:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn.html

Here's a sample chapter:

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch35m.mp3

And here's the whole real book for free online. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/ggsyn1.html

Rod Hall Agency Ltd.
6th Floor
Fairgate House
78 New Oxford Street
London WC1A 1HB
(0) 20 7079 7987

http://www.rodhallagency.com

The Dench Arnold Agency
10 Newburgh Street
London W1F 7RN

http://www.dencharnold.co.uk

Capel & Land, Ltd.
29 Wardour Street
London W1D6PS

http://www.capelland.com

The McKernan Agency
5 Gayfield Square
Edinburgh EH1 3NW
0131 557 1771

http://www.mckernanagency.co.uk

Robinson Literary Agency
Block A511
The Jam Factory
27 Green Walk
London, SE1 4TT
020 7357 6305

Lutyens and Rubinstein
231 Westbourne Park Road
London W11 1EB

http://www.lutyensrubinstein.co.uk

Abner Stein Agency
10 Roland Gardens
London SW7 3PH

Annette Green Authors' Agency
1 East Cliff Road
Tunbridge Wells
Kent TN4 9AD

http://www.annettegreenagency.co.uk

Gerard, I started this agency in 1998 having worked for one of the larger agencies for ten years. My specific intention was to launch new novelists, and that remains the same. In Spring 2001 David Smith joined the agency and handles most of our non fiction. We are always open to new authors (naturally!) but are always oversubscribed. We promise a speedy turn around nonetheless. Clients include: Andrew Baker, Nick Barlay, Julia Bell, Bill Broady, Meg Cabot (US), Fiona Gibson, Justin Hill, Maria McCann, Ian Marchant and Adam Macqueen. Best wishes, Annette

Dear Annette: Thanks. Your response was perfect. If everyone were so forthcoming and succinct, ah, what a grand world it would be. G.

Dear Gerard, Still a great site - just a shame we're so near the bottom!. Many congratulations on publication of GINNY GOOD. How are you getting on in the British market? Best wishes, David Smith

I'll move you up a ways, but there's a whole other page of British agents "below" yours. As for the market, pfssh, lots of people loved the book, like that Nick Clee guy who used to be at the Bookseller and Anne Weale who's probably still there, but it doesn't have a British publisher and therefore no British hype so it's not doing as well as it would if it did. Thanks. G.

Judith Chilcote Agency
8 Wentworth Mansions
Keats Grove
London NW3 2RL

Edwards Fuglewicz
49 Great Ormond Street
London WC1N 3HZ

Graham Maw Christie Literary Agency
19 Thornhill Crescent
London N1 4LD

http://www.grahammawchristie.com

Laurence Pollinger Ltd.
9 Staple Inn
Holborn
London WC1V 7QH

http://www.pollingerltd.com

Brie Burkeman
14 Neville Court, Abbey Road
London NW8 9DD

MBA Literary Agents, Ltd.
62 Grafton Way
London W1T 5DW

http://www.mbalit.co.uk

Dear Gerard: MBA is a well-established agency, representing authors in all genres of books as well as scriptwriters for film, TV, radio and stage. Fuller details can be found in The Writers' and Artists' Yearbook (published by A&C Black) or The Writer's Handbook (published by Macmillan) or at the website of the Association of Authors' Agents:

http://agentsassoc.co.uk

Sadly, as I'm very heavily committed at the moment, I'm not able to consider new clients. But best wishes for your every success with your endeavours. Many thanks! Meg

Dear Meg: I'll include the website for the Association of Author' Agents. I'm just saying about people anything he or she may wish to say. Thanks again. G.

Lucas Alexander Whitley
14 Vernon Street
London W14 0RJ

http://www.lawagency.co.uk

Conville & Walsh, Ltd.
2 Ganton Street
London, W1F 7QL

http://www.convilleandwalsh.com

Who are you?

Oh, my gosh, I wish I knew. G.

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/audio/GGch00introm.mp3

The Susijn Agency
3rd Floor, 64 Great Titchfield Street
London W1W 7QH

http://www.thesusijnagency.com

Greene & Heaton, Ltd.
37 Goldhawk Road
London W12 8QQ

http://www.greeneheaton.co.uk

Toby Eady Associates Ltd.
9 Orme Court, 3rd Flr.
London W2 4RL

http://www.tobyeadyassociates.co.uk

Wade & Doherty Literary Agency
33 Cormorant Lodge
Thomas More Street
London E1W 1AU

http://www.rwla.com

Felicity Bryan
2A North Parade, Banbury Road
Oxford OX2 6LX

http://www.felicitybryan.com

Luigi Bonomi Associates
91 Great Russell Street
London WC1B 3PS

Uli Rushby-Smith
72 Plimsoll Road
London N4 2EE

Watson, Little Ltd
48-56 Bayham Place
London NW1 0EU
020 7388 7529

http://www.watsonlittle.com

Raft Representation
PO Box 5226
Brighton BN50 9YN

http://www.raftpr.com

(@) = Not a corporate fascist. (Feel free to apply for non-corporate fascist status...simply tell me in fifty words or fewer why you think you're not a corporate fascist.)

(*) = E-mail bounced. Correct information much appreciated. In fact, anyone who knows anything I don't know, let me know.

(!) = E-mail blocked (just mine, not yours), probably 'cause the intended recipient and/or the company by which he or she is owned and operated is an extra brainwashed, super chicken, corporate fascist goon.

(666) = Asked not to be contacted (by me, not by you), very likely because he or she is a happy little slave boy or a happy little slave girl and doesn't want it any other way, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Gerard Jones
everyone@everyonewhosanyone.com